A void.

_20160131_222931Do you know that moment when you first wake up? You can’t remember anything, You have no sense of existence. Just numb in a void, and in a split second you are back to normal.

I tend to find myself in that state quite often, numb to everything around me.

I have yet to obtain feelings for another person. Unless you count lust but I don’t think that is as much of a feeling as it is a response to attention. boy I’d be lying if I said I didn’t enjoy attention.

Maybe its because I have a bad habit of hurting people. Not physically but emotionally, like a game. The boys get all worked up giving you all of their attention thinking that they are going to steal your heart but right before they can wrap their head around their own feelings, just cut them off completely. This might make me the worst human being but, oh my, that look they give you when they walk by in the hallway after thinking they were the only one. As i pretend that he has never seen my body bare, that look is the most fulfilling thing. It is in that instant when the void I have is filled… For a split second

So I move on to the next.

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